Just the Invaders

The conservative slammed his coffee mug down on the table so hard the foam sloshed out like a tiny border crisis.

“I’m tired of the lies,” he said. “No one is talking about deporting everybody. Just the people who invaded the country.”

The liberal blinked.

“Invaded?”

“Yes. Invaded. You know — crossed illegally. Flooded in. Overran the border. Like an army. But with tacos.”

“Okay,” the liberal said slowly. “First of all, that’s already dehumanizing language. Second, it never stops with ‘just them.’ It’s already expanding to people with temporary visas. Then green cards. Now you’re floating denaturalization.”

The conservative waved his hand.

“That’s fake news panic. We’re only targeting criminals.”

“You just said invaders.”

“Well, yeah. Criminal invaders.”

“Last week it was ‘illegal aliens.’ Before that it was ‘anchor babies.’ Now it’s ‘foreign threats.’ You see the pattern?”

The conservative rolled his eyes so hard they almost required a passport.

“Here we go. Let me guess — you’re about to bring up the Nazis.”

“I am about to bring up the Nazis.”

“That’s disgusting,” the conservative snapped. “How dare you compare this to mass murder. They killed millions of people.”

“Yes,” the liberal said. “But they didn’t start there.”

Silence.

The conservative crossed his arms.

“They started with genocide?”

“No,” the liberal said. “They started with language. With ‘they don’t belong.’ With ‘they’re criminals.’ With revoking citizenship. With saying some people were more real citizens than others. The killing part came later.”

“That’s totally different.”

“How?”

“Well, for one thing, we’re not killing anyone.”

“Yet,” the liberal said cheerfully. “History’s whole thing is ‘yet.’”

The conservative leaned forward.

“You liberals always jump to extremes.”

“And you conservatives always start with paperwork.”

“Paperwork?”

“Yeah. First it’s deportation forms. Then visa cancellations. Then citizenship reviews. Then lists. Governments love lists. Very efficient. Very tidy.”

The conservative scoffed.

“You’re acting like this is some slippery slope.”

“It’s not a slope,” the liberal said. “It’s a staircase. Every step feels reasonable if you don’t look up.”

The conservative shook his head.

“This is about law and order.”

“So was every other crackdown in history.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“It was literally always sold as law and order.”

The conservative pointed triumphantly.

“See! You admit it’s about laws. Not race. Not hate.”

“Laws written by people who decide who counts,” the liberal replied.

“That’s democracy.”

“So was Jim Crow.”

The conservative’s face turned red.

“Again with the Nazis and now segregation! You people are impossible.”

“History keeps showing up because no one reads it,” the liberal said.

The waitress walked by cautiously, sensing danger.

“Refills?”

Both nodded aggressively.

The conservative took a deep breath.

“Look. We’re a nation of immigrants. My great-grandparents came here legally.”

“Cool,” the liberal said. “Mine didn’t have paperwork because Ellis Island basically waved people through.”

“That was different.”

“Why?”

“Because… it just was.”

“So when Europeans arrived poor and undocumented it was pioneering. When brown people do it, it’s invasion.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It’s exactly what the policy says.”

The conservative bristled.

“You’re twisting things.”

“No,” the liberal said. “I’m following the logic to its destination.”

“Well your destination is crazy.”

“History’s destinations usually are.”

The conservative stood up.

“This is why nobody takes you seriously. Always crying fascism.”

“And this is why fascism keeps getting new seasons,” the liberal replied. “Great rebrand every decade.”

The conservative grabbed his jacket.

“You can keep your fearmongering.”

“And you can keep pretending it stops where you feel comfortable.”

They stared each other down.

Finally the conservative muttered:

“For the record, I’m not racist.”

“Of course not,” the liberal said. “You just support policies that accidentally target the same people every time. Weird coincidence.”

The conservative paused.

“…Still not Nazis though.”

“Agreed,” the liberal said. “They’re just following the early chapters.”

The conservative stormed out.

The waitress leaned in.

“Do they always argue like that?”

“Only when history repeats itself,” the liberal said.

She nodded.

“So… every day?”

“Pretty much.”