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Donald Trump wants to know if Posting on Truth Social is Perjury

Dear Legal Advice Columnist,

If I post something on Truth Social that maybe isn’t 100% accurate — like when I said the FBI admitted that 274 FBI agents were at the January 6th protest — is that perjury? I strongly implied they were undercover agitators (which was genius, by the way). Some boring fact-checker, i.e., Kash Patel, claims they were there because the Capitol Police called for backup during a riot. Fake news! Anyway, am I in legal trouble for saying it?

Sincerely,
President Donald J. Trump (Most Persecuted Man in History)

Dear Mr. President,

Relax. Perjury is when you lie under oath in court. Posting on Truth Social doesn’t count — it’s just lying to your followers. And let’s be honest, that’s your whole business model.

That said, here’s what you might want to worry about:

  • Defamation. When you publicly smear federal agents as secret saboteurs, some of them might not appreciate being turned into your political chew toy. Luckily for you, your lawyers are used to explaining that “he didn’t mean it, he just talks like that.”

  • Incitement. If your followers take your wild theories as gospel and storm another building, prosecutors might connect the dots. Yes, even if you yell “peacefully and patriotically” once before shouting “fight like hell” a dozen times.

  • Reputation. Okay, maybe not — you’ve already taught America that shame is optional and truth is negotiable.

So no, it isn’t perjury. It’s just the usual: reckless bluster served with extra ketchup. You’ve turned social media into your personal megaphone, and the rest of us into unwilling background characters in the world’s longest court transcript.

Advice? Maybe stop asking if your posts are crimes and start asking why your posts always need a defense attorney on retainer.

Yours in exhausted disbelief,
The Columnist

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