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Liberal Twitter Drafts Revolutionary Strategy: Waiting Patiently for Trump to Drop Dead

As Donald Trump’s feed went quiet for a full 48 hours, liberal Twitter entered what experts are calling “ecstatic vigil mode.” Hashtags like #TrumpDeadYet and #WeekendAtMarALago began trending as users speculated on whether silence from their favorite hate-watch account meant he was gravely ill, in jail, or being propped up by golf clubs.

Political strategists noted that instead of crafting a coherent plan to counter Trump’s policies, liberal Twitter users seemed united behind a single tactic: “Manifest his death.” One activist explained, “Policy is complicated. Tweeting ‘is he dead yet?’ is much easier. Plus, it gets likes.”

“Every time he doesn’t post for a few hours, my hope rises like the Dow Jones under Clinton,” another user confessed. “I light a candle, refresh my feed, and pray for bad cholesterol to finally do the people’s work.”

Meanwhile, actual Democratic organizers begged liberals to focus on issues like healthcare, voting rights, and economic policy. Their pleas were drowned out by GIFs of tombstones and jokes about embalming fluid.

Conservative pundits, for their part, accused liberals of “political necromancy,” but couldn’t quite hide their own glee at the engagement spikes. “Even their hatred keeps him trending,” one Republican strategist sighed. “He’s literally immortal online.”

As of press time, Trump had returned to Twitter, announcing a new line of Trump-branded steak-flavored COVID supplements. Liberal Twitter groaned in unison, closed their tabs on “mortality rate after 78,” and went back to waiting for the next blessed silence.

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