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Right-Wing Leaders Declare All Political Violence Comes From the Left, Ignore Elephant in Room

In the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s assassination, conservative commentators have reached a bold conclusion: all political violence is the exclusive property of the left. “They own it, trademark pending,” one pundit announced, as if political violence were a line of energy drinks.

Selective Memory Loss: A New Patriot’s Disease

According to this narrative, the January 6th attack was just a “rowdy Capitol tour,” the Oklahoma City bombing was an “overzealous urban renewal project,” and that guy who mailed pipe bombs to journalists was really just an ambitious Etsy entrepreneur.

Meanwhile, if someone wearing skinny jeans throws a can of LaCroix in the general direction of a police cruiser, that becomes Exhibit A in the great liberal conspiracy of violence.

Violence Math: Carry the Zero

When asked about statistics showing that far-right extremists are responsible for the majority of domestic terrorism in the United States, Kirk’s supporters explained that math is also a liberal plot. “Numbers are woke,” one said. “Ever notice how two plus two never equals MAGA? Exactly.”

Another added: “Besides, if you don’t count arsons, assaults, shootings, stabbings, bombings, kidnappings, and attempted coups, then clearly the left is more violent.”

The Upside-Down Compass

To justify this claim, right-wing media have begun spinning morality like a bingo wheel. “If the left does it, it’s violence. If we do it, it’s patriotism. If we get caught, it’s Antifa in disguise. And if none of that sticks, it was just a peaceful barbecue.”

Conclusion

So as the right continues its moral gymnastics routine, remember: the majority of political violence may come from far-right actors, but acknowledging that fact is apparently too violent for them to handle.

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