Letter from “Cinnamon Crisis in Kenosha”

An Advice Column for Those Who Have Made… Choices***

Dear Mall Madness,

So I work(ed) at a CinnaBun in a perfectly average mall in Wisconsin—fluorescent lights, sticky floors, teenagers pretending not to stare at each other—you know, the classics.

Anyway, the other day a customer ordered a Classic Roll, and somehow this activated something in me that turned the entire food court into a cable news panel. I went on a rant about “how Muslims shouldn’t be in America,” even though (1) this had nothing to do with pastries and (2) I have never once left the state of Wisconsin except for a school trip to the Dells.

Then—because apparently I decided that Wrong Choices should come in combo meals—I hurled a racist insult at the woman.
Yes, that word.
The one that should never exist outside history books and documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman.

Shocking absolutely no one except myself at the time, another customer filmed the meltdown. TikTok got involved. It went viral faster than free samples.

I was fired before I even finished my shift. Understandable! Consequences, accountability, etc. But THEN—here’s the plot twist—conservative influencers found the clip, declared me a “victim of cancel culture,” and now there’s a GoFundMe page with tens of thousands of dollars in it.

Now I feel guilty.
Like… is it morally okay that it pays this well to be racist?
Signed,
Confused and Deeply Sugared

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Mall Madness Replies:

Dear Confused-and-Now-Cash-Flush,

Thank you for your letter, and for providing us with the first documented case of someone trying to season a cinnamon roll with bigotry.

Let’s unpack:

1. You were not “canceled.” You were fired for screaming hate at customers while wearing a corporate visor shaped like a pastry.
Employers tend to frown on that. Public-facing jobs generally require that you not verbally attack the public.

2. Going viral is not a moral cleansing mechanism.
If the internet hands you money after you behave horribly, that doesn’t make the behavior fine—it just makes the algorithm morally confused and easily entertained.

3. As to your question: “Is it okay that it pays to be racist?”
In short:
No.
It is, in fact, a deeply troubling sign that some people will financially reward cruelty if it aligns with their political cosplay.

4. Your guilt means your moral compass is warming up after being placed in a microwave.
Good. Follow that feeling. It’s the part of your brain whispering, “Hey… maybe don’t shout hate speech over baked goods.”

5. The money won’t solve the problem you created, but you can choose what you do next:

• Apologize sincerely.

• Educate yourself.

• Donate part of the GoFundMe to organizations fighting hatred.

• And maybe take a temporary break from customer service until you learn that cinnamon rolls are not battlegrounds for your worldview.

Remember:
Racism should never be profitable, but accountability always is.
And you’re at the beginning—if you want it—to choosing better.

Warmly (but not as warm as the oven you used to operate),
Mall Madness