Trump Appoints Bill Clinton as Sexual Harassment Czar in Bold Bipartisan Move: “He’s Got Experience—Tremendous Experience”

 Washington, D.C. — In a stunning and deeply confusing announcement, President Donald J. Trump declared today that he is appointing former President Bill Clinton as the new “Sexual Harassment Czar” in an effort to show “strong bipartisan unity on workplace misconduct.”

“We wanted someone who really understands the subject—deeply, personally, repeatedly,” Trump told reporters while gesturing to a now slightly red-faced Clinton, who was polishing a cigar and nodding solemnly. “Look, Bill knows harassment. He’s been accused more times than even I have—tremendous numbers. I respect that. It’s bipartisan. Historic, even.”

From Oval Office Favors to Executive Orders

Clinton, famously known for receiving “executive favors” from intern Monica Lewinsky during his presidency, graciously accepted the appointment, stating, “I may have made a few mistakes, but who better to fix the problem than the guy who was the problem?”

He added, “I know every nook, cranny, and dry-cleaning emergency that comes with this issue. Who else has this level of hands-on experience?”

Trump agreed. “When I said, ‘grab ’em by the pussy,’ people got very upset. But now, we’re working together—two guys who’ve said and done things. Different things, but related. And now we’re fixing it. Together. It’s beautiful.”

A ‘Hands-On’ Approach to Policy

As Sexual Harassment Czar, Clinton will reportedly oversee a new “Touchpoint Task Force,” responsible for reviewing complaints, revising workplace training materials, and handing out branded breath mints at HR conferences.

Clinton’s first executive recommendation? “No interns within 50 feet of any elected official—unless they sign a waiver and a confidentiality agreement thicker than the Starr Report.”

Trump praised the idea: “Smart. Very smart. Almost as smart as the NDA system I used—best in the world.”

Sources say both men also floated a proposal for “Locker Room Language Guidelines,” which would determine which phrases are “just boy talk” and which are “lawsuit material.”

Reaction: America’s Collective Eye Roll

The announcement has been met with eye-rolling, groaning, and awkward silence across party lines.

✔️ Feminist groups called the move “a slap in the face—and not the consensual kind.”
✔️ HR departments nationwide began updating their resignation letters.
✔️ Monica Lewinsky simply tweeted: “...wow.”

Senator Lindsey Graham attempted to defend the appointment, saying, “Look, if you want someone to stop a flood, you hire the guy who built the dam. If you want to stop sexual harassment… well, here we are.”

White House Defends the Choice

White House Press Secretary Tucker Carlson (now apparently on his sixth government role) clarified the administration's stance:

“President Trump believes in learning from the best. And who better to lead the charge against inappropriate workplace behavior than the two men who basically wrote the manual?”

When asked if Clinton’s past scandals would make it hard for him to be taken seriously in the role, Carlson replied, “Hard? That’s actually the theme of their first PSA.”

What’s Next?

Insiders say the administration is also considering:

• Matt Gaetz as Youth Outreach Coordinator

• Clarence Thomas as Chief Ethics Officer

• Rudy Giuliani as Director of Workplace Sobriety

At press time, Trump and Clinton were seen laughing together in the Oval Office, reminiscing about “the good old days when scandals were just about interns and not classified documents.”

Disclaimer: This article is satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real-life events is purely coincidental—unless this actually happens, in which case, we’d like to formally apologize to America.