Trump Has ICE Apprehend the Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day, Deports Him to Ireland, Ruining Festivities for Millions

 Washington, D.C. — In what experts are calling “a historic crackdown on mythical creatures,” President Donald J. Trump has ordered ICE to apprehend and deport the Leprechaun responsible for St. Patrick’s Day festivities, leaving millions of Americans heartbroken and countless bars struggling to justify their overpriced green beer.

“No more illegal immigrants—even the tiny green ones, folks,” Trump declared at a last-minute rally in front of a confiscated pot of gold. “This guy? Total fraud. No papers. No visa. No nothing. Just prancing around, spreading luck like some kind of socialist fairy tale. Not under my watch!”

ICE Raid at the End of the Rainbow

The operation, known internally as "Operation Shamrock Sweep," took place just before sunrise on March 17. Acting on intelligence from an anonymous tipster (believed to be the Easter Bunny, who feared he was next), ICE agents stormed the Leprechaun’s underground gold vault, where he was caught attempting to flee with a sack of shamrocks and a pint of Guinness.

“He was fast, slippery as a Biden economy excuse,” said ICE director Chad McPatriot. “But in the end, no one escapes American law enforcement—not even magical Irish tricksters.”

As they dragged him away, the Leprechaun reportedly cursed ICE agents with “eternal IRS audits” and a lifetime supply of bad luck.

Public Outrage: “How Are We Supposed to Celebrate Without Him?”

The sudden deportation has sent shockwaves through America’s Irish-American community, many of whom are devastated at the prospect of a Leprechaun-less St. Patrick’s Day.

“How are we supposed to justify taking Monday off if there’s no Leprechaun?” sobbed Kevin O’Malley, a devastated bar owner in Boston. “We were already stretching it with the whole ‘snakes out of Ireland’ story, but this? This is unforgivable.”

Even the beer industry has been hit hard. Without the Leprechaun’s magical endorsement, sales of green beer have plummeted, with some bars forced to rebrand it as "Environmental Awareness Lager” to maintain demand.

Vance Defends Deportation: “We Had to Send a Message”

Vice President J.D. Vance stood firmly behind the decision, arguing that the government could not afford to let foreign magical beings run amok.

“Look, first it’s the Leprechaun. Next thing you know, Santa’s demanding free healthcare,” Vance warned. “We had to send a message: No exceptions. No amnesty. Not even for gold-hoarding, whiskey-drinking tricksters.”

When asked whether ICE would also be targeting the Tooth Fairy, who has been accused of “operating an underground cash-for-teeth scheme,” Vance did not rule it out.

“We’re looking into it. Anyone who bypasses legal tender laws should be concerned.”

Trump: “I Did the Irish a Favor”

Despite growing outrage, Trump brushed off criticism, claiming he actually helped Irish-Americans by deporting the Leprechaun back to Ireland, where he belongs.

“I love the Irish. Great people. The best drinkers. But let’s be honest, their little green guy?” Trump said. “Not American. Not paying taxes. Not a fan of Trump Vodka, which, by the way, was very underrated. So, we sent him home. The Irish should be thanking me.”

To further prove his “love” for the Irish, Trump then held up a clover and declared: “It’s basically like the MAGA logo of plants.”

What’s Next?

With the Leprechaun now reportedly stranded in Dublin, forced to explain why his face is on a U.S. government watchlist, Americans are wondering what other beloved icons might be next.

Rumors have surfaced that ICE is now investigating the Easter Bunny, the Chupacabra, and “anyone else hopping borders without proper documentation.”

Meanwhile, bar owners have vowed to fight back, circulating an underground petition demanding the Leprechaun’s immediate return—or at least a tax break on whiskey imports.

At press time, Trump was reportedly considering replacing the Leprechaun with a MAGA-themed “Patriot Gnome” for next year’s celebrations, which would only grant luck to registered Republicans.

Disclaimer: This article is satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real-life events is purely coincidental—unless, of course, ICE actually starts deporting mythical creatures, in which case… we told you so. 🍀