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Trump Proudly Promises to ‘Fix the Economy’ by Putting It Back in Recession: "We Can’t Let Crooked Joe Take Credit Again!"

 Washington, D.C. — In a bold economic strategy that only the very best minds could conceive, President Donald J. Trump has vowed to return the U.S. to a full-blown recession—insisting it’s the only way to stop Crooked Joe Biden from taking credit for another recovery.

“We did it once, folks, and it was beautiful,” Trump told a roaring crowd at a rally in Ohio. “I handed Biden a total economic disaster—historic, some say the best recession we’ve ever had. And what does Sleepy Joe do? He screws it up by fixing it! We can’t let that happen again.”

A Masterclass in Economic Sabotage

Historians and economists are still in awe of Trump’s first-term exit strategy, which plunged the country into a self-inflicted economic collapse, setting the perfect trap for Biden.

“It was genius, really,” said Dr. Marty Downtick, an economist at the Institute for Political Malpractice. “Trump’s policies tanked the stock market, unemployment soared, and the GDP shriveled like a Trump steak left out in the sun. Then, like clockwork, Biden came in, made a few basic policy corrections, and suddenly he’s the guy who ‘saved the economy.’ Classic theft!”

Determined not to let that happen again, Trump has declared his intention to send the economy back into the gutter during his second term.

“America needs to struggle—BIGLY—so that I can save it again in 2029,” he explained. “We’re gonna cut jobs, tank the markets, maybe even print some totally useless money. People are gonna love how bad things get.”

A Devastating Plan That Trump’s Base Loves

Despite what traditional economists might call “an objectively catastrophic idea,” Trump’s supporters are fully on board.

“Listen, we had a recession under Trump before, and it felt amazing knowing it was our recession,” said Jim Rafferty, a MAGA hat-wearing small business owner. “I’d rather lose my job under Trump than get a raise under Biden. That’s just facts.”

The plan includes:
✔️ Slashing federal programs and watching infrastructure projects fail spectacularly
✔️ Giving another round of tax cuts to billionaires while the middle class foots the bill
✔️ Pushing gas prices through the roof, just to remind people how bad things can be
✔️ Allowing inflation to run wild while calling it a “Trumpflation Celebration”

“The best part?” Trump grinned, “When everything collapses, we get to blame it on immigrants. It’s a win-win, folks!”

What’s Next for America?

As the country braces for the Great Trump Recession 2.0, Wall Street analysts say investors are already preparing for the worst—by buying up property in Canada. Meanwhile, average Americans are scrambling to decide whether they should start stockpiling canned goods or just accept their fate.

Asked if he had any final words for the nation, Trump simply smiled and said:

“Get ready, folks. It’s going to be TERRIBLE. And then—only then—I’ll make it great again!”

Disclaimer: This article is satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real-life events is purely coincidental—unless, of course, it actually happens.

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