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Trump Boasts Gas is $2 a Gallon — Nation Scratches Head, Checks Receipts

“You’re welcome, America,” he says, while standing in front of a gas station charging $3.21.

Mar-a-Lago, FL — In a triumphant address delivered from the golden driveway of his Palm Beach estate, President Donald J. Trump declared that, thanks to him and his policies, gas prices have plummeted to a "beautiful, tremendous" $2 per gallon.

"Gas is now two dollars, folks. Maybe less! Some places, I hear, are giving it away. Some say it's even free if you just ask the attendant nicely and say ‘Trump sent me,’” Trump beamed, gesturing proudly to a digital gas price sign behind him that clearly read $3.21.

When informed of the actual national average price, Trump responded, “Fake numbers. Lies from the failing Gas Price Industrial Complex. I personally called Exxon and told them to lower it. They said, ‘Yes, sir!’ They cried, actually. Tears of patriotism.”

He continued, “Under Biden, gas was basically caviar. Under me? It's water. Clean, beautiful fossil water. They don’t tell you that.”

Trump Team Spins It Faster Than a Gas Pump Meter

Trump’s press secretary issued a correction minutes later, saying the president was referring to “emotional gas prices” — how cheap gas feels “in your heart when you know America is back.”

“The president is using a psychological average, which factors in nostalgia, charisma, and spiritual patriotism,” the spokesperson clarified. “$2 is the truth-based price.”

Analysts were quick to point out that the actual nationwide average is $3.21 per gallon, with prices higher in many urban areas. But MAGA supporters remain undeterred.

“Gas is $2 where I live — in my memory, in 2018,” said Jim Duggan of Missouri, while paying $3.37 at a Shell station. “I don’t care what the pump says. It’s fake inflation.”

Biden Responds

Former President Biden, when asked for comment, looked up from his ice cream cone and muttered, “What the hell is he talking about now?” before wandering off toward a group of reporters he thought were his grandkids.

Meanwhile, gas station owners nationwide are reportedly bracing for waves of Trump supporters demanding to "speak to the manager about the president's gas order."

One station in Arizona has already put up a sign:

“No, gas is not $2. No, Trump did not call. No, we don’t validate fantasies.”

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