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Trump Demands Nobel Peace Prize for “Thinking About Peace” in Ukraine, Gaza, and Iran

June 21, 2025 | Mar-a-Lago, The World’s Most Stable Genius Compound

In what aides are calling a “historic diplomatic brainwave,” President Donald J. Trump has demanded the Nobel Peace Prize for thinking very hard about bringing peace to Ukraine, Gaza, and Iran — all at once, and all without actually doing anything.

“LOOK, NOBODY’S EVER THOUGHT ABOUT WORLD PEACE THE WAY I HAVE,” Trump posted to Truth Social while reclining on a golf cart adorned with a Diet Coke dispenser. “THEY GAVE OBAMA A PEACE PRIZE FOR DOING NOTHING. I’M DOING EVEN MORE NOTHING, BUT SMARTER. BIGGER NOTHING. THE BEST NOTHING!”

Sources inside Mar-a-Lago say Trump recently convened a secret international strategy meeting consisting of himself, a globe, and a Magic 8-Ball. After five minutes of spinning the globe and saying, “Let’s just not fight,” he declared the world “basically fixed.”

Trump’s “Three-for-One Peace Plan”

In an exclusive sit-down interview with Newsmax for Kids, Trump unveiled the “TRI-PEACE INITIATIVE,” a plan he claims would solve three of the world's most volatile conflicts using only bold vision, good vibes, and executive branding.

  1. Ukraine – “I told Putin, Stop the war and he said he would think about it. That's progress, folks.”

  2. Gaza – “I suggested turning Gaza into a luxury beachfront resort. You get peace and poolside margaritas.”

  3. Iran – “All they need is a golf course and a Hooters. You can’t launch nukes when you’re lining up a putt and enjoying chicken wings. Trust me.”

When asked whether any of these ideas have been shared with world leaders or diplomats, Trump scoffed:

“I don’t need to talk to people. I think the peace. They feel it. It’s like telepathy, but for greatness.”

Nobel Committee Reacts

The Norwegian Nobel Committee responded with confusion and a restraining order.

“President Trump has submitted 14 separate Peace Prize nominations in the past week alone, each written in crayon and accompanied by a Trump NFT,” said one committee member. “One simply read: ‘I said peace. Where’s my prize?’”

Trump has since taken to calling the Nobel Prize “rigged” and “run by Swedes” (they’re Norwegian), and has threatened to create his own award, the TRUMP PRIZE FOR PEACEFUL WINNING, to be given annually to himself and “maybe Elon, if he behaves.”

Support from the Right

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld praised Trump’s peace intuition, stating, “This is quantum diplomacy. Trump is achieving peace just by being observed thinking about it. Like Schrödinger’s statesman.”

Vice-President JD Vance added, “Trump is the only man who could bring Ukraine and Russia to the table by simply reminding them he exists.”

Trump’s Final Case

At a recent rally, Trump summed up his qualifications:

“Peace isn’t about doing things. It’s about saying you could do things, and then watching people calm down out of respect or fear or confusion. I bring that. I bring tremendous hypothetical peace. And frankly, nobody’s ever been more not-at-war than me. Except with the press, women, the legal system, and reality.”

Until the Nobel Committee caves or he invents his own prize, Trump has vowed to continue spreading world peace by yelling at maps and telling Eric to “Google ceasefire.”

Because in Trump’s world, peace starts with a thought — and ends with applause.

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