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Marjorie Taylor Greene Introduces Bill to Ban Weather Manipulation After Texas Flooding

“The clouds are woke, the rain is rigged, and Big Weather must be stopped.”
By Climata Denier, Congressional Correspondent for Forecasts & Fury

Washington, D.C. — In a bold new move against nature’s unholy alliance with globalist elites, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Galactic Conspiracies) introduced a bill this morning to “ban weather manipulation, sky sorcery, and chemtrail cloud collusion” following the devastating floods in Texas.

Clad in a waterproof stars-and-stripes poncho and flanked by a support goat named Liberty, Greene declared at a press conference:

“The deep state is no longer just deep—it’s high. Sky-high. They’ve taken over our clouds, our rain, and probably our moonlight. What happened in Texas wasn’t a storm. It was a strike. A strike by the WEATHER INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.”

🌧️ The "RAIN Act": Restoring Atmospheric Integrity Nationwide

Greene’s bill, officially titled the RAIN Act (Restoring Atmospheric Integrity Nationwide), aims to criminalize:

  • “Unauthorized cloud seeding”

  • “Deep State rain lasers”

  • “Weather-generating satellites controlled by Bill Gates and the Rothschilds”

  • “Any attempt to make the weather too diverse or too inclusive”

The legislation also mandates that all thunderstorms be pre-approved by Congress and requires tornadoes to show ID before touching down.

Greene warned:

“They made it flood in Texas to distract from Hunter Biden’s fog machine. You think it’s a coincidence? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.”

🛰️ A History of Sky-Based Harassment

Greene is no stranger to atmospheric accusations. In 2018, she famously blamed California wildfires on space lasers. Now, in 2025, she’s moved up the ladder of the stratosphere, declaring:

“This is WEATHER WARFARE. First they cancel our gas stoves, then they cancel sunshine in red states. I’m pretty sure Joe Biden controls the jet stream from his basement.”

The congresswoman provided evidence in the form of a grainy TikTok, a finger-painted weather map, and a stack of soggy QAnon flyers found floating in a Dallas drainage ditch.

☁️ The Science Community Responds, Immediately Regrets It

Meteorologists across the country wept quietly into their Doppler radars.

Dr. Skylar Tempest of the National Atmospheric Alliance tried to clarify:

“We do not control the weather. That’s not how science works. And even if we could manipulate it, we wouldn’t target Texas—it’s already punishing itself.”

He was later seen quietly googling “how to emigrate to Canada.”

🔮 Evangelicals Divided on the Weather

Some evangelical groups supported Greene’s bill, calling it “a step toward holding clouds accountable.” Others were concerned it might accidentally ban Jesus walking on water or Noah’s Ark fanfiction nights.

Pastor Buck Lightning of the First Church of Righteous Forecasts said:

“The Lord controls the weather. But sometimes He delegates to FEMA and George Soros. We just want clarity.”

🌀 The Future Forecast: Stormy, With a 100% Chance of Nonsense

As the RAIN Act heads to committee (alongside other key proposals like the Don’t Say Lightning bill and Build the Dome: Hurricane Edition), Greene remains defiant.

“I will not rest until every cloud is background-checked, every raindrop swears allegiance to the flag, and the only thing falling from the sky is FREEDOM.”

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