“No, Communism Isn’t When You Pay Taxes”: A Liberal’s Harrowing Attempt to Explain Basic Political Terms to a MAGA Devotee

By Reggie Rational, Liberal Tears Gazette

In a dimly lit Cracker Barrel somewhere off I-70, a brave liberal by the name of Avery “Still Believes in Facts” Thompson attempted the impossible: to explain the difference between socialism and communism to a diehard MAGA patriot whose idea of political education peaked with a YouTube video titled “AOC: The Communist Threat.”

The encounter began innocently enough over sweet tea and biscuits.

“I just think it’s wrong that Joe Biden is trying to turn us into communists,” declared Dale “FreedomEagle_1776” McCoy, proudly wearing a shirt that read ‘Socialism Sucks—Unless It’s My Medicare’.

Avery smiled politely, took a deep breath, and gently began. “So, actually, communism is a stateless, classless society where all property is publicly owned, and socialism is more of an economic system where the means of production are owned or regulated collectively, often through the state…”

Dale blinked. “So you’re saying socialism is just baby communism.”

“No,” Avery continued, “it’s like how a public library is socialism, but not communism. Or how public schools, roads, fire departments—”

Dale gasped. “You want the government to control everything!”

“Well, no, I’m just saying those are examples of—”

“I bet you drive on roads!” Dale shouted triumphantly, as if uncovering a grand hypocrisy. “GOTCHA!”

Avery nodded. “Yes. That’s literally my point. Socialism isn’t when you take someone’s tractor and give it to the lazy guy who watches TikTok all day. It’s more like making sure everyone can go to the doctor without selling a kidney.”

Dale, growing suspicious, narrowed his eyes. “This sounds like Marxist Critical Road Theory.”

The conversation spiraled further when Avery cited Scandinavian countries. Dale interrupted, “You mean those places where everyone’s white? Yeah, that’s not socialism—that’s just good ol’ common sense.”

Avery’s eye twitched.

As Avery reached for a napkin to draw a basic Venn diagram between capitalism, socialism, and communism, Dale glanced at it and asked, “Is this one of them Antifa blueprints?”

Eventually, the conversation came to a head when Dale declared, “Under Trump, we had capitalism and gas was $1.99. Under Biden, I had to pay $4.00 and now I’m this close to living under Stalin.”

“I think you’re just bad at budgeting,” whispered Avery.

“CHECK PLEASE!” Dale bellowed, storming off into the parking lot to his government-subsidized pickup truck with three “Let’s Go Brandon” bumper stickers and a copy of The Art of the Deal duct-taped to the dash.

Avery remained behind, gently weeping into a copy of The Federalist Papers, quietly muttering, “Maybe next time I’ll just talk to the wall. It listens better.”

In conclusion:
Trying to explain political theory to a MAGA loyalist is like trying to play chess with a pigeon—it knocks over all the pieces, craps on the board, and then struts around like it won.