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Patriotism or Treason? Conservative Claims Obama is Guilty of Treason

By Liberty McFreedom, Contributor to “Truth, Justice, and the Fox News Way”

In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one on Earth saw coming (except everyone), patriotic conservative Hank W. Bunker of Tulsa, Oklahoma has declared former President Barack Obama guilty of high treason—not for weaponizing the IRS, not for wearing a tan suit, not even for letting Michelle tell kids to eat vegetables—but for the unforgivable crime of… investigating Russian election interference.

“Obama shoulda just let Putin have his say!” Bunker said angrily while waving a Constitution-themed fidget spinner. “Investigating Russia was a direct attack on Donald Trump, and by extension, America. And by ‘America,’ I mean me. And by ‘me,’ I mean white Christian grievance culture.”

According to Bunker, who holds a PhD in YouTube Comments, any attempt to look into foreign meddling in a U.S. election is “a deep state psy-op designed to embarrass Donald J. Trump, Savior of the Free World™.” When pressed on whether Russia actually did meddle, Bunker admitted, “Well, sure, 17 intelligence agencies said so, but you can’t trust the deep state! Except the parts that investigate Hunter Biden’s laptop—those are patriots!”

Asked if he thought ignoring Russian cyber warfare might pose a national security risk, Bunker laughed. “No, no—Russia’s just misunderstood. They’re like the strong, silent type. Like Trump when he forgets words. Besides, if they helped him win, that means they love freedom too.”

Critics of Bunker’s stance—namely, anyone with a functioning frontal cortex—have noted that Obama’s investigation began after multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that Russia had conducted cyberattacks and disinformation campaigns to influence the 2016 election in favor of Trump.

“But that’s exactly the problem!” Bunker barked. “He used the federal government to investigate someone on the other side of the political aisle! That’s not how America works! That’s how America worked when Trump had the DOJ investigate Hillary and tried to extort Ukraine—but that was different because reasons.”

When reminded that failing to investigate foreign interference might actually constitute a dereliction of duty, Bunker replied, “Pfft. Treason is whatever I say it is. Just like facts. And pronouns.”

At press time, Bunker was drafting articles of impeachment against Obama, retroactively, while wearing a “God, Guns, and Gas Stoves” t-shirt and forwarding a chain email alleging that Obama’s real name is “Barack Bin Stalin.”

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