By The Department of Irony and Selective Outrage
In the latest episode of “Things We’re Outraged About This Week,” conservative truth warriors have uncovered what they call the crime of the century: former President Barack Obama personally manufactured the “Russian hoax” in a secret underground workshop located somewhere between his Martha’s Vineyard wine cellar and his Netflix production office. The purpose? To frame Donald J. Trump as an illegitimate president by suggesting—preposterously—that Russia interfered in the 2016 election.
“It was all Obama!” shouted one Fox News panelist, pointing to a blurry photo of a man in a golf shirt as definitive proof. “He just whipped up the whole thing like a pot of Kenyan chili, added some fake dossiers, sprinkled in a few FBI text messages, and boom—instant treason!”
According to these patriotic investigators, Obama used his presidential powers to hypnotize the CIA, the FBI, and all 17 U.S. intelligence agencies into publicly agreeing that Russia interfered in 2016—an act of deception so cunning it was apparently believed by America’s entire intelligence apparatus, several bipartisan Senate committees, and Robert Mueller himself.
Meanwhile, in the ongoing saga of “Evidence is for Losers,” Donald Trump continues to insist that Joe Biden stole the 2020 election, despite providing zero proof beyond a PowerPoint prepared by a guy who once ran a stop-the-steal rally in the parking lot of a Duluth Applebee’s.
“Look, when I say the 2020 election was stolen, you have to understand—proof doesn’t matter,” Trump told supporters at a recent rally. “We’ve got something even better than evidence. We’ve got vibes.”
Political analysts note the fascinating asymmetry here: the belief that Obama’s entirely imaginary coup attempt is ironclad proof of treason, while Trump’s ongoing, evidence-free claims of fraud are considered gospel truth. It’s the kind of moral consistency you only see in politics or professional wrestling storylines.
In the meantime, House Republicans are reportedly considering a new bill that would make it illegal for Democrats to ever suspect foreign interference in U.S. elections—unless, of course, it’s their candidate who loses, in which case it will be a constitutional requirement to hold daily prayer vigils for the integrity of the ballot box.
As for Obama, sources say he remains at large, possibly working on a new hoax involving time travel, a stolen moon rock, and a fake alien invasion—all designed to distract from the very real, very serious threat posed by mail-in ballots and Sharpie pens.
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