In a dazzling display of economic optimism and selective perception, former President Donald Trump announced this week that the U.S. economy is “the strongest it’s ever been — maybe ever in the history of economies — strong, bigly strong.”
Standing in front of a gold-plated lectern bearing the slogan “Truth Over Receipts,” Trump told supporters that “real Americans” — defined loosely as anyone who agrees with him — “know that prices are lower than ever.” He added, “People are saying to me, ‘Sir, please, we can’t take it anymore, the prices are too low! Milk is basically free! Eggs? Practically paying you to take them!’”
Economists were quick to point out that inflation remains high and grocery bills have not, in fact, returned to pre-pandemic levels. Trump dismissed these reports as “fake news from the price police,” insisting, “I bought a dozen eggs yesterday for 25 cents. Tremendous deal. Nobody’s ever seen prices like that. The farmer was crying, said, ‘Sir, we can’t make money if prices are this low.’ I said, ‘That’s because of me — I did that!’”
When pressed by reporters about how he determined the strength of the economy, Trump produced a laminated graph labeled “TRUMPOMICS: THE ART OF THE DEAL, BUT FOR PRICES.” The graph featured a single, upward-pointing arrow drawn in Sharpie and the phrase “TRUMP GOOD” in 48-point font.
He further clarified: “The fake economists — the ones with glasses — they don’t understand. The real economy is what people feel when they see me. When I’m president, confidence goes through the roof, even if numbers go down. And frankly, who needs numbers? Numbers are very overrated.”
Critics noted that Trump’s speech came shortly after he complained about the cost of hamburgers, claiming he was “robbed blind” at a McDonald’s drive-thru. But the president quickly explained that this, too, was part of his “strong economy plan.”
“Look, when prices are high, it’s Joe’s fault. When they’re low, it’s me. When they’re both, that’s strategy. They don’t teach that at Wharton — although they should, because I went there, very top of the class, many people say.”
As Trump concluded his remarks, he announced the release of a new economic indicator called the Trump Price Index (TPI) — a metric that measures the economy’s health based solely on how loudly his supporters cheer at rallies. “Right now,” he said, “the TPI is through the roof. People are cheering, they’re crying, they’re saying, ‘Sir, I’ve never felt richer!’ That’s the real data — the data of the people.”
Meanwhile, the Bureau of Labor Statistics quietly released a statement titled: “We Have No Idea What He’s Talking About.”
In a follow-up post on Truth Social, Trump doubled down, declaring, “The economy has NEVER been stronger. Crooked Joe’s fake prices are FAKE! Real Americans know — we’re saving so much money, it’s practically pouring out of our pockets.”
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