Hands Off Our President!

(Who Is, Admittedly, Getting Absolutely Smoked by Joe Biden's Deportation Numbers, But That's Not the Point)

I have had it up to here with these weeny-whiny Trump haters. The constant attacks. The protests. The so-called "outrage." In what kind of country is a citizen permitted to criticize the President of the United States? Not mine, I'll tell you that much. We didn't fight a revolution against a king just so that people could go around saying mean things about the man currently spending one hundred and seventy billion dollars to do slightly less than the last guy did for free.

Let me lay out the facts for these snowflakes, because the facts speak for themselves.

Under Obama: five million deported. No riots. Under Biden: four-plus million. No riots. Under our President, in his glorious second term: a brisk pace that has him on track to trail both of them by a country mile — and suddenly there are demonstrations in the streets! It's a coordinated smear. It's manufactured. Why else would the numbers be so much lower under the strongest, most aggressive, most law-and-order president of all time?

I mean — they're lower because we're winning differently. Quietly. With dignity. And about a hundred and seventy billion dollars.

You have to understand the sheer scale of the operation. The previous administrations had to make do with a measly few billion. Amateur hour. Our President secured the largest enforcement budget in American history, built the most well-funded federal police force in the country, opened detention capacity at a scale never before attempted — and against those overwhelming resources, he has so far managed to fall behind the deportation totals of Joe Biden. Joe Biden! The man could not find his way to a podium. And yet.

This is, I want to be clear, a triumph.

The haters will try to tell you that the old numbers were inflated — that most of those "five million" under Obama were people waved back across the border in an afternoon, single guys from Mexico turned around in eight hours, counted as a "deportation" and sent on their way. They'll say it's not the same as the slow, expensive, courtroom-by-courtroom work of removing people from the interior. They'll say comparing a full eight-year border-turnaround tally to seven months of interior raids is like comparing a buffet to a tasting menu.

To which I say: exactly. Our President is running a tasting menu. A boutique deportation experience. Curated. Artisanal. Roughly four hundred and fifty thousand dollars a head when you do the math on the budget, which I have not done and never will, because that is the kind of thing a hater would do.

People forget he is a businessman. A legendary businessman. This is a man who took a casino — a building where the house literally cannot lose — and guided it, through sheer force of will, into bankruptcy. Four times. Four separate times he looked at a money-printing machine and said, "What if it printed less?" Who else has that vision? Who else could take the single most profitable enterprise ever devised by man and turn it into a cautionary tale taught in business schools? That is not failure. That is range. And it is exactly the energy he is now bringing to the largest deportation budget in human history.

So when the snowflakes whine that he is spending more to accomplish less, I want you to recognize the genius of it. Anyone can spend a little and get a little. Anyone can spend a lot and get a lot. It takes a true visionary to spend an unprecedented, eye-watering, generational fortune and arrive, triumphantly, in second place behind Joe Biden.

The protests, the lawsuits, the documentaries about the detention conditions, the headlines about the costs — it's all manufactured. Manufactured by people who simply cannot stand to watch a man succeed at coming up short. There is no other explanation. Certainly it could not be that mass raids in American cities, deaths in detention, and a hundred-and-seventy-billion-dollar tab are the sorts of things people might, on their own, without any coordination, find upsetting. That would imply the citizens have opinions. And in my country, they are not allowed to.

Facts.