Truthliness News

By Patriotica Economica, Senior Fellow at the Institute for Budget Illusions Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented fiscal miracle that defied the laws of mathematics, logic, and common sense, the Big Beautiful Bill has emerged as the first-ever government spending increase disguised as a spending cut , all thanks to the sheer power of branding and a Sharpie. “I looked at the numbers and simply didn’t like them,” President Trump said, unveiling a graph where all the red deficit lines had been replaced with green arrows pointing up and labeled ‘PROFIT.’ “So we fixed it. Bigly.” Spend Like a Billionaire, Budget Like a Teenager The bill, passed with fanfare and a country-music-infused press conference, pumped billions into defense, border walls, farm subsidies, and the Department of Freedom , all while gutting anything with the word “public” in it—like education, health care, and lunch. “Lunch is socialism,” one congressman shouted, wiping mustard off his tie. “If children want food, th...

By Reggie Rational, Liberal Tears Gazette In a dimly lit Cracker Barrel somewhere off I-70, a brave liberal by the name of Avery “Still Believes in Facts” Thompson attempted the impossible: to explain the difference between socialism and communism to a diehard MAGA patriot whose idea of political education peaked with a YouTube video titled “AOC: The Communist Threat.” The encounter began innocently enough over sweet tea and biscuits. “I just think it’s wrong that Joe Biden is trying to turn us into communists,” declared Dale “FreedomEagle_1776” McCoy, proudly wearing a shirt that read ‘Socialism Sucks—Unless It’s My Medicare’. Avery smiled politely, took a deep breath, and gently began. “So, actually, communism is a stateless, classless society where all property is publicly owned, and socialism is more of an economic system where the means of production are owned or regulated collectively, often through the state…” Dale blinked. “So you’re saying socialism is just baby communism .”...

“The clouds are woke, the rain is rigged, and Big Weather must be stopped.” By Climata Denier, Congressional Correspondent for Forecasts & Fury Washington, D.C. — In a bold new move against nature’s unholy alliance with globalist elites, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Galactic Conspiracies) introduced a bill this morning to “ban weather manipulation, sky sorcery, and chemtrail cloud collusion” following the devastating floods in Texas. Clad in a waterproof stars-and-stripes poncho and flanked by a support goat named Liberty, Greene declared at a press conference: “The deep state is no longer just deep—it’s high. Sky-high. They’ve taken over our clouds, our rain, and probably our moonlight. What happened in Texas wasn’t a storm. It was a strike. A strike by the WEATHER INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.” 🌧️ The "RAIN Act": Restoring Atmospheric Integrity Nationwide Greene’s bill, officially titled the RAIN Act ( Restoring Atmospheric Integrity Nationwide ), aims to cr...

By Liberty Belle, Religion Correspondent for the Ministry of Unholy Irony In a rousing speech delivered from the steps of a Chick-fil-A converted into a campaign headquarters, President Donald J. Trump declared with full conviction—and half a Bible upside down—that “America was founded as a proud Christian nation, by good Christian men, who definitely never wore powdered wigs or read Enlightenment philosophy.” The announcement was part of his new “Faith Over Facts” initiative, designed to replace pesky historical nuance with a warm, golden blanket of patriotic mythology and New Testament cosplay. ✝️ Founders? More Like Founding Fathers of Evangelism Trump cited the likes of George Washington , Thomas Jefferson , and Ben Franklin as “hardcore believers in the Holy Word,” adding: “They loved the Bible, folks. Big fans. Jefferson even wrote his own version—took out all the bad parts. That’s what we’re doing now with the Constitution!” Historians were quick to point out that many Found...

By Spinny McNarrative, Senior Fellow at the Institute for Fiscal Gaslighting In what economists are calling “a masterclass in fiscal illusion,” President Trump and his loyal team of budget sorcerers have unveiled the Big Beautiful Bill™ , a piece of legislation so bold, so visionary, so unburdened by math, that it managed to increase the debt ceiling by $5 trillion —while simultaneously “reducing” the deficit. Yes, you heard that right. Like a magician pulling a bald eagle out of a golden hat, Trump has redefined arithmetic itself. 💰 The Debt Ceiling: Now With Skylights The bill officially raised the debt ceiling by $5 trillion , a figure so large it had to be written in bold Comic Sans to get through Congress. But according to Treasury Secretary-turned-podium-prop Larry “Trust Me” Goldstein , this isn’t “spending”—it’s just “strategic future flexibility for American greatness.” As Trump explained in a press conference held at the base of a bronze statue of himself holding the Constit...

Letter from a Concerned Servant of God and Country Dear Aunt Patriotica, I write to you burdened by what some call a “moral dilemma.” As a humble servant of the people—and more importantly, of the Lord—I recently voted for President Trump’s Big, Beautiful Bill (BBB™). You know the one: the law that courageously slashed Medicaid coverage for 15 million "lazy freeloaders" and nobly defunded food stamps because, as we all know, hunger builds character. Now my conscience (and my polling numbers in certain swing suburbs) are whispering: Was it wrong to take food out of children's mouths and insulin from old folks just so we could fund estate tax cuts for billionaires with yachts named “Deductible Expense”? I love Jesus. I love America. I also love donor retreats at Mar-a-Lago. Please advise. Sincerely, Rep. Faith Ann Freedom (R-Your Wallet) Chair, Subcommittee on Selective Morality Dear Faith Ann, Bless your conflicted little soul! First of all, let me reassure you: it is ...

By Artie Facts, Financial Historian at the University of Make-Believe In a stunning reaffirmation of his world-renowned business acumen, former President Donald J. Trump once again proves that you don’t need to understand compound interest when you’ve got charisma, casinos, and Chapter 11 . Let’s rewind.  In the late 1970s, Trump inherited an estimated  $400 million  (adjusted for inflation) from his father, Fred Trump, a real estate mogul and frequent check-writer.  Now, any ordinary fool with a calculator, a modest understanding of index funds, and no access to gold-plated toilets could have simply plopped that $400 million into a boring S&P 500 fund averaging 10.6% annually . After 45 years, that investment would have magically grown to a jaw-dropping $37.2 billion . But Donald Trump is not just any ordinary fool. No sir. Trump took that $400 million and alchemized it into… $5 billion (maybe, depending on who’s counting and whether bankruptcy court has weigh...

Administering the Hare Psychopathy Checklist–Revised (PCL-R) to President Donald J. Trump By Dr. Ima Freud-Up, Department of Dubiously Scientific Diagnoses Introduction In this rigorous analysis, we apply the Psychopathy Checklist–Revised (PCL-R) —typically used to assess criminal psychopaths—to President Donald J. Trump. Each of the 20 items on the checklist is scored from 0 (doesn’t apply) to 2 (fully applies), for a maximum of 40 points. A score over 30 typically indicates psychopathy.  ⚖️ Factor 1: Interpersonal / Affective Traits These are the "charmingly sinister" traits. Glibness/superficial charm – Score: 2 Who else could say, “Nobody respects women more than I do,” while simultaneously being accused by more women than a casting couch in the '80s? Grandiose sense of self-worth – Score: 2 Calls himself a “stable genius,” thinks he knows more about ISIS than the generals, and insists he’s the most persecuted man in human history. Eat your heart out, Jes...

By Patriot McFreedom, Staff Writer, Unreality Times Washington, D.C. — In a bold, courageous move hailed by right-wing talk show hosts and the ghost of Joe McCarthy, President Trump’s newly unveiled “Big Beautiful Bill” is expected to remove 1.4 million undocumented immigrants from Medicaid—a historic accomplishment, especially considering they were never actually on Medicaid to begin with. “We have discovered a major problem,” Trump declared from his golden podium at Mar-a-Lago. “Illegal immigrants are sucking up all our free healthcare. They’re getting nose jobs, spa treatments, and probably pedicures, all on your dime. And under my administration , we are finally putting a stop to this imaginary crisis.” The bill, officially titled the PATRIOTIC RESTORATION OF AMERICAN DIGNITY AND SYSTEMIC ENFORCEMENT  Act , contains several groundbreaking reforms, including: Stripping benefits from undocumented immigrants who are ineligible for them anyway. Creating a task force to aud...

Patient: Donald J. Trump Location of Evaluation: Mar-a-Lago Presidential Library & Buffet Clinician: Dr. Ima Quack, Psy.D., Board-Certified in Diagnosing Rich Men with Poor Insight Reference Text: DSM-5 Diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Deluxe Subtype – “Very Stable Genius Variant” Diagnostic Code (Satirical Supplement): 301.81-BIGLY DSM-5 Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: (Trump exhibits 12, breaking the scale. Diagnosis confirmed. Let’s proceed anyway.) 1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). Claims to be the “most presidential president” other than Lincoln (who, frankly, is on very thin ice). B...